Proud
by thenostalgicdreamer
Summary: Zay reflects on just how proud he is of Izzy and the person she is becoming.


_For astronautonahorse  
Thankful to share love for these two with you  
_ _I hope this piece both inspires you and makes you smile_

* * *

As he walks through the door, he sees her sitting on the couch looking just as beautiful as she always does. Her dark hair glows golden brown in the last beams of twilight, the same dull twilight that lights up the edges of her face when she turns and looks at him. If only she knew just how beautiful she is to him.

"Hi," she says in a quiet tone without making a move. She holds her hand out, and he takes it without a word pulling her up off the couch so he can take her in his arms.

"Izzy." His arms find their way around the giant curve that is her belly to her back. He kisses her forehead. "I'm so proud of you." He is always proud of her but especially now watching her suffer the discomforts of late pregnancy. She never complains even though it makes his heart hurt just to look at her. She's so tiny, and her belly is so big now. If only having a child didn't bring her so much pain…

He puts his hands on her lower back rubbing it in the spot that always hurts. He doesn't like these late night dance classes and the way they take him away from Izzy. It's not fair that she would have to spend her evenings alone especially when she can hardly get off the couch by herself these days. But it can't be helped. His dream of owning his own dance studio has finally come true. As beautiful as that is, it also means a lot of hard work and evening dance classes. He know she understands; they've been through a lot so she could pursue her dreams. She wouldn't let him not pursue his just as hard. Still, he's already not being the husband and father he wants to be, and that makes him feel more than a little guilty.

He sits down and gestures for her to sit in his lap. As long as he has known her, she has taken comfort in hugs. She is not always good with words. Sometimes she misunderstands them; sometimes she can't find the way words connect to what she's feeling. But touch is different; it speaks to her no matter how she is feeling. He can tell that she is tired tonight and stressed and overwhelmed. What she needs is to be held so she can soak up every ounce of love he has for her. He wraps his arms around her and lets her lean her head on his chest. Sometimes, he wishes they could sit like this forever so perhaps she could see just how much he loves her.

She sees the world in black and white and has endless lists of everything she thinks she must be. She feels like her intelligence is a gift, and that she owes it to the world to give back and somehow repay being given the gift of being above average. It sounds beautiful and noble, but it's not. She always falls short of being the person she believes she should be. The weight of those unmet expectations is crushing, and Zay sometimes wonders how she is motivated to get up and face another day.

He has told her a million times, but sometimes he's still not sure she really knows what he saw when he first met her. She was so different from other girls, from the ones he usually noticed. She sparkled with potential. She was so strong and determined. He could see insecurities but also a girl who knew she held her destiny in her hands. It was only her own expectations that held her back. If only she could let those go, who could imagine the limits of what she could be? He could see a dazzling sense of humor squished into the box that she confined herself to. What else might be lurking in the corners?

Captivated from the first day, Zay had known that loving her was taking a risk. She was with Farkle. He could tell that that wasn't going to last, but it was no promise she would give him a chance. He knew he was worth someone's time, but could he convince her that he was worth her time? She wasn't the type of girl he normally went for; he wasn't the type of guy who normally won her heart. He was outside her comfort zone, a place where she rarely ventured. He told silly jokes. He didn't understand her nerdy references and said things that challenged her point of view. He wasn't a nerd; there were ways he would never understand her—ways that she wanted to be understood.

Risks be darned, Zay knew she was worth it because inside the box she crammed herself into was a beautiful person. He wanted to know that person, to see her come out and shine. He loved her so much already. But would she trust him enough to let him lead her out of the barricades she had put up long ago? Could she learn to let go of telling herself she was different and feeling like she had to live up to her ideal? He had all the faith in the world that she could, but he couldn't make that choice for her. He couldn't give her bravery, just call her to be brave—the bravest she had ever been in her life.

She had made that choice, a move she always chalked up to curiosity about just what it was like to be normal person. Maybe her reason made him laugh, but he would always be so proud of her for responding to his risk by taking a risk of her own. And that had only been the beginning of her bravery because it had only been the beginning of the risks he'd ask her to take. She might be stubborn and set in her ways, but she had slowly changed and trusted herself to open up at first a little and then a little more. She is so open these days—open to doing more and simply being herself—, and he couldn't be prouder.

But still, it makes his heart hurt to watch her shrink down under the weight of her own imperfections. Why can't she see how far she has come, how beautiful she is, how much he loves who she is becoming? He longs for her to be able to release the grip she still holds on her ideals and find the freedom of simply being who she is—Isadora Smackle Babineaux: strong, beautiful, and kind. If only she could see herself as he sees her, measure herself by who she is not by who she is not, measure her contributions by what they are not by some abstract quantity she has decided is enough…

She's not perfect, but neither is he. He has learned so much from her about appreciating himself, about seeing just how valuable he is. He had never known it until she showed him, but he too had pushed himself into a box—the cute friend box. He saw himself as well-rounded but second-rate to everyone else. Looking back, he can see that that made him passive. Why do it if someone else can do it better? Why not wait and see if someone wants your help and your input?

He can't tell you how many times she's practically yelled in his face that he's not worthless and needs to stop acting like he's less. Those words always sting almost as much as if she were saying the opposite. He always wants to fight it and say she's wrong. But she's not. With her help and endless hope for him, he's learning to tell himself he doesn't have to be the best to have something to give. His gifts are just as needed as hers even if not as extraordinary. It's that support that lead him to fight until his dance school dreams came true. She insisted that he simply couldn't give up. It shouldn't matter how many challenges he faced or how overwhelmed he felt. He needed to do it—he must share his gift for dance with the world. There was no other option.

Zay glances down at the tiny woman asleep on his lap. She is so beautiful, and her posture speaks of the love she has for him. He feels his heart overflow remembering how she decided to trust him enough to let him hold her so long ago. He is so lucky. He kisses the top of her head softly. "I love you," he whispers. "I love you, dear Izzy." He will never stop being proud of her and the woman she is—the woman she is becoming. She may not know that fully yet, but someday she will. She still sparkles with potential.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Zayadora fans, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I loved writing it. I would love to know what you thought of this.**


End file.
